


It All Circles Back

by SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock



Series: Supernatural As Told by Me: If Cas Was Always There [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fighting, M/M, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 19:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10973430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock/pseuds/SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock
Summary: The boys meet Gordon on their first time out on a real and true case (the four of them) after John's death. Unfortunately, with Gordon choosing his favorites, the boys end up split down the middle with what to do on this particular hunt. But of course the metaphor is there, isn't it? It all circles back to the lesson they're truly learning.





	It All Circles Back

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So how about that Finale, guys? I'm still sobbing... But here's another part of the series! It's more of Dean recovering and we see Gabriel out on his first hunt. Plus we have plot which is... will Dean ever accept Cas when he finds out his secret? Or will he react the exact same way he did with the vampires? It's all an underlying message, ain't it?

Dean watched Castiel breathe evenly in his sleep. He chewed his lip as he debated waking the man up. It was what he’d come in to do. He’d been working late on the Impala, hell bent on finishing it then and there after Sam had told them he’d found them a case. And now? Now he wanted the other to see. But he wondered if it was worth waking him. 

As if Castiel had heard his silent thoughts at work, he watched as blue eyes opened slowly to meet his. He stared for a moment, registering that Dean was sitting there watching him before he stretched and smiled at his hunter. “Baby, why are you watching me sleep? Why don’t you come to bed? Do you know how hard it is to fall asleep without those muscles wrapped around me?”

Dean’s eyes closed for a moment as he chuckled, reaching for the other. “I was debating on whether or not to wake you. I finished the Impala,” he smiled. 

Castiel beamed and sat up immediately. It had been grueling work for Dean. All of it had. The car, the break down in between, the fluctuation of his emotions and having to deal with them– it was amazed that the car hadn’t been set back further. But Dean was telling him he’d finished it. 

“Baby! That’s awesome!” he said. 

Dean kneeled by the bed with a smile. Yes, tragedy had struck them. Yes, he was still dealing with it. He was still dealing with all of it. But Castiel… Castiel had found a way to help him. He’d found a way to be there for him without smothering him. He’d been the perfect boyfriend. To be honest, Dean didn’t know how to ever repay him. And somehow, through all the tragedy, all the shit? Castiel made him feel like he was on top of the world. 

“I have to take it for a test. To make sure nothing is wrong with the engine. I was wondering if you wanted to–”

“Yes!” he squealed.

Dean chuckled and stood, bringing Castiel up with him. “Alright, come on, then. Get your shoes on.”

Castiel grinned and quietly got ready to leave the house. He put his hand in Dean’s as they snuck out. 

The raven-haired man smiled as he saw the car in all its former glory. It was no longer a hodge-podge of metals and mismatching doors. It no longer looked like a pretzel nor was it up on stilts. It was it’s shiny black color the way it was meant to be, the way Castiel remembered it the night he’d seen Dean leaning against it when he’d whisked him away. 

“Oh my god!” he bounced. “Oh, Dean… it’s gorgeous. How did you do all this all by yourself? I knew I chose a jack of all trades,” he grinned as he walked around the car. 

Castiel’s praise made Dean puff up a little. He never felt more like he could do anything than when Cas was encouraging him. He loved it. 

“Hop in, angel. You and me. Let's take her for a spin,” he said. 

Castiel grinned and nodded, getting in the car before Dean could say anything else. 

Dean laughed softly as he got into the driver's side and turned the key in the ignition where it had been waiting. When the car turned over without any trouble, he smiled. “Listen to that. I’ve never heard anything more beautiful,” he said before he looked over. “Besides hearing you moan my name, angel. Of course,” he muttered with a smirk. 

Castiel’s cheeks turned bright red at the others words. “Dean,” he chided softly, no real anger behind it. Because maybe his words made him blush, embarrassed him a little, but he loved it when Dean told him those things. He loved knowing he did something to Dean that no one else could. 

Dean pulled him across the seat, tucking him under his arm like he did when Cas was tired on the road and got to ride shotgun for once. “You know, she’s like new,” he whispered. “Brand new. Rehymenated, if you will. I say we take her for a short ride and park ‘er somewhere for a  _ long _ night,” he whispered into his ear. “Break her in.”

Sex hadn’t been what was going through Dean’s mind when he’d gone into the house to wake Castiel. He just wanted to show him what Castiel called ‘the batmobile’... he loved it when Cas said that. Called him his batman. 

But no. This wasn’t what he had planned. But seeing his radiant smile, having his boyfriend so close, being in such a good mood… he couldn’t help it if he just wanted to lay Castiel down in the back seat and make merry. 

Castiel smirked a little at Dean’s words. “Well aren’t you in a good mood,” he said. 

Dean grinned and nodded. “I got my baby back, my angel by my side, a case in the morning– haven’t fought with Sam or Gabe in a good week. And did I mention I have you?” he asked as he kissed him softly. Yes. It was sappy beyond belief but it was true. It had been difficult. But the road to recovery… he was only walking it because Castiel had his hand in his, walking down with him. 

Castiel giggled and leaned into the kiss. “I love this happy, cuddly, Dean.”

“And you know how I feel,” he whispered back. 

“I think I could be up for something like that,” Castiel answered after a moment. “On one condition,” he hummed, leaning up to press his lips to his cheek.

“Oh? As your boyfriend I have conditions now?” he teased. 

Castiel grinned. “Well it was just going to be you buying me pie at the twenty-four hour diner a couple miles away but if you’d rather not…”

Dean groaned, leaning down to kiss him because– God, everything that came out of the other man was like another cupid's arrow to his heart. He didn’t break away as he threw the car in drive and stepped on the gas, grinning when Castiel gave a squeal and pulled away, telling Dean to put eyes where he was going. 

There he was. There was the Dean Winchester he knew and loved. That bad boy with a heart of gold. From the ashes… there he was, sitting in the front seat of his batmobile, driving off into the night with his partner in crime. 

 

Dean stepped on the gas, not being able to hold back as he was finally out on the road with his car officially. The car that his father had gifted to him and the car that had been– what some might call– totalled. But he hadn’t given up on her. He hadn’t been able to. Not when the car was their home when they didn’t have one. Which was always really. 

Dean rocked along to AC DC's Back in Black as he drove, enjoying the feeling of simply being out on the road again. 

“Woo!” he said. “Listen to her purr. Have you ever heard anything so sweet?” he asked as he looked into the back seat and winked at Cas playfully, who only giggled. 

Sam chuckled. “You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know, Dean,” he said, unsure as to whether or not Dean knew he meant the car and not him and Cas. 

“Oh, don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand us,” Dean said to the car. 

“Should I be jealous?” Castiel asked from the back. But then of course, images of last night, of their breath fogging up the windows and leaving it steamy, letting the whole car become a sweat box as they went at it hard and rough… he knew he had nothing to be jealous of. 

“You're in a good mood,” Sam pointed out with a laugh. 

“Why shouldn't I be?” Dean asked. 

Sam gave a wave. “No reason.”

“Got my car, got a case, got my angel,” he grinned, throwing him another wink in the mirror, only looking away when Castiel giggled once more. “Things are looking up,” he nodded. 

Sam laughed again and shook his head. He was happy his brother in such a good mood. He didn’t know what brought it on but he knew that he liked it. He liked having this free version of his brother back. 

“Wow. Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mister Sunshine,” Gabriel chuckled from the back.

“I gotta agree with Gabriel on this one. Dude, you’re like…  _ radiating _ ,” Sam said. 

Dean laughed and slapped Sam on the knee. “Ah, Sammy, Gabe… you children have a lot to learn. A lot to learn about the world.”

“What do you mean?” Gabriel asked.

“Well I mean that if you guys think the reason I’m so happy is because of a case, you clearly didn’t take in account that there’s a smokin’ hot angel in the backseat that knew the Impala was running way before you did and he’s wearing the shirt I was wearin’ yesterday,” he pointed out, his smirk wide, wondering if they would figure it out just from that. 

It only took a few moments, both seeming to work it out in silence, before Gabriel and Sam both seemed to start making noises and complaints, wondering if they were currently sitting where the two of them,  _ obviously _ , had sex the night before. He heard one of them complaining that Castiel should of warned them and the other saying they never wanted in that car again. 

Dean tipped his head back in laughter as the kept going. “Hey angel, how far to Red Lodge?”

“About another three hundred miles,” Castiel answered with a slight giggle at their brothers reactions. 

Dean grinned. “Good,” he hummed as he gassed it.

 

“Vampires,” Castiel breathed as he crossed his arms, leaning against the door jamb that was separating their rooms. Now that they had four people, at least three beds were in order. And since it wasn’t fair to make someone sleep on a cot or the couch, they’d decided on two rooms with a door that connected. It was something just about every motel had. 

One one side stood Gabriel and Sam, changing into regular clothes as Gabriel and he had gone to the sheriff's office to get information while Dean and Sam had gone to the coroner. Finding fangs was not what they’d expected when they’d heard beheadings and cattle mutilations. 

“So how do we deal with this?” Gabriel asked as he buttoned his pants. “Sounds to me like the job is already being handled. We don’t have a vampire dropping bodies. We have a hunter dropping vampires. Doesn’t that mean we should be looking somewhere else for a job?”

This was his first official hunt. Dean, the last person he’d needed the stamp of approval from, had given him the go ahead when Dean had reached past his head one morning and with such a shock, Gabriel had dropped him and put a gun on him in seconds flat. Dean’s first initial response was to fight back, of course. But when he saw the weapon– something he knew Sam had given to him– he had a feeling that Gabriel had the same knack for what they did that Cas had when he started. The only thing he could really do was commend him on the fact that he was ready for a fight on all fronts. The two hadn’t fought since then. 

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Gabriel seemed to ease into this life so well. Like he was built for it. Just like Cas. Both had gone through something horrible. Both had nearly been killed at the hands of demons and instead of running away, putting their tails between their legs and doing what everyone else would… they were staying. Standing and fighting. He knew Castiel well enough that he expected it from him. But it brought a whole new respect to him for Gabriel. 

Gabriel still didn’t know about Sam’s visions. Or, at least he suspected he might have heard about them in passing… but he still didn’t know that Gabriel himself had had a starring role in a few of them. The hunter didn’t know how to tell the other man. How was he supposed to explain that he could see him but finding him alluded him completely. Would Gabriel understand? Or would he be angry that he’d had to endure torture because Sam couldn’t find him?

That being said… Gabriel had no clue that he’d taken a silent vow to protect him after all that. Of course… maybe it wasn’t very silent seeing as Dean and Cas seemed to know. Though, they said nothing. 

Still, with his want to protect the other… he still didn’t know how he felt about Gabriel hunting. It wasn’t his choice. He couldn’t tell him what to do. He saw what happened with Dean and Cas when a Winchester tried to tell a Novak what to do. He wasn’t about to make that mistake. On the one hand, at his side and with them… he could try to make sure Gabriel was always protected. But on the other… in this line of work, no one was ever really safe. 

“Sam!” a call came, breaking him out of his reverie. 

“What?” he asked, snapping his head as he looked up, seeing Dean and Cas by the door just looking at him but his eyes landed on Gabriel– who was also looking at him. “Sorry. My mind was wandering. What is it?” he asked. 

Dean looked at Cas before he cleared his throat. “Well I agreed with Gabriel. Said that if this is what’s going on, why are we still here? A hunter has it taken care of.”

“And I argued. And said that we don’t know that. Because it could have been vampire on vampire violence,” Castiel offered. “Humans could still be in danger.

Sam nodded. “I agree with Cas. We should still check it out. If anything, whoever is doing this job might need some help.”

Dean sighed as he pulled on his shirt. “Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let’s hit up the local bar. Maybe they’ve seen a group of all night partiers. We find the nest, we may find the hunter trying to take it down.”

 

When they stepped into the bar, they could feel eyes on them. They were strangers in this town so it wasn’t really surprising that they were getting funny looks. But they paid no mind as they made a beeline for the bar and ordered four beers. 

After the bartender set the beers down on the counter, Gabriel took stock of the bar while Sam slipped the man a fifty dollar bill and explained that they were looking for some people. The conversation with said bartender was brief, Gabriel drinking his beer as he tried not to make it obvious that he was looking around. 

Once Dean gave them a nod, telling them they were done there, Castiel put his hand in Dean’s as they left. 

“Dean,” Gabriel muttered as they walked around back, having noticed that one man, who had been sitting by the window, was suddenly gone and he could feel eyes on them.

“I saw ‘im,” he muttered back. “Just keep walking.”

Gabriel said nothing more as they made it around back. Once they got to another corner, far enough ahead, Castiel pulled them back and kept them there. He gave them the signal to remain quiet as he waited. He waited for the right moment before Sam and Dean moved out and pinned the man to the wall. 

“Smile,” Dean said as he held a knife to his throat. 

“What?” the man asked. 

“Show us those pearly whites.”

The man seemed uncomfortable at being outnumbered, pinned, and having a blade to his throat. As would anyone, really. “Oh, for the love of– you want to stick that thing someplace else? I'm not a vampire,” he informed. At the look on everyone’s faces, their confusion, he continued. “Yeah, that's right. I heard you guys in there.”

“What do you know about vampires?” Gabriel asked, chucking his chin at the other as if imploring him to talk.

“How to kill them. Now seriously, bro. That knife's making me itch,” he said, making eye contact with Dean. As if thinking that was enough to get them to let him go, he moved– a big mistake as they all started to react, pinning him back. “Whoa. Easy there, ninja turtles,” he mumbled. Slowly they watched as he brought his hand up to his lip and lifted. “See? Fangless. Happy?” he asked as they let him inspect. The four of them backed off in that moment. “Now,” he began again. “Who the hell are you?”

 

“Sam and Dean Winchester,” the man– Gordon– said, having traded names just then. The smile on his face made them all uncomfortable as he reached into his car and showed them the setup he had: a sliding grate on which he hung all of his weapons just so. “I can't believe it.”

Castiel cleared his throat. “We’re–”

“Castiel. Gabriel,” he nodded. “I mean, I should have known who it was as soon as I saw that there were four of you. Most hunters don’t travel in groups and I heard something about Sam and Dean taking in a couple of wayward orphans– boyfriends,” he said as if it was meant to come off as a joke but there was no humor behind it.

The four shared a look as if wanting to correct him, as if wanting to interject that Cas and Gabriel weren’t orphans and that only one of them was the other’s boyfriend. But they didn’t owe this guy an explanation. And frankly, none of them were comfortable with how much this guy seemed to know about them. 

Gordon turned back to the other two. “You know I met your old man once? Hell of a guy. Great hunter.” Gordon paused. “I heard he passed. I'm sorry. It's big shoes. But from what I hear you guys fill 'em. Great trackers, good in a tight spot–”

“You seem to know a lot about our family,” Dean said. 

Gordon nodded. “Word travels fast. You know how hunters talk,” he offered. 

Dean frowned at those words. “No, we don't, actually,” he said back, looking at Cas, his angel that was keeping him grounded. One week prior and Dean would have jumped at the other for just saying two words about his father. Now… well he still wanted to but the only thing keeping him from doing any of that was the amazing feeling he’d just started to feel again. He wasn’t going to mess that up.

“I guess there's a lot your dad never told you, huh?” Gordon asked. 

“So, um, so those two vampires, they were yours, huh?” Sam asked as he sensed his brothers discomfort.

“Yep. Been here two weeks.”

“Did you check out that Barker farm?” Castiel asked. 

Gordon seemed a little apprehensive about answering him. He’d not heard much about him, just a name. But when Dean slipped an arm around him like he wondered if it was going to be a problem, he relented. “It's a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.”

“Where's the nest, then?” Gabriel inquired, the training the others had given enough to point him toward there being a nest.

Gordon seemed to give a smile as he pushed the grate back into his car. “I got this one covered. Look, don't get me wrong. It's a real pleasure meetin' you fellas. But I've been on this thing over a year. I killed a fang back in Austin, tracked the nest all the way up here. I'll finish it. “

Dean nodded, respecting that. He didn’t much like to work with people either. Especially new ones. But this guy was going it alone. Maybe he was as seasoned a veteran with vampires as he let on or maybe he was just a regular old hunter up to his waist in vampires; a breed of monster that would kill you as soon as look at you and needed to be beheaded to be killed. “We could help.”

“Thanks, but uh, I'm kind of a go-it-alone type of guy,” he said, his smile dropping a little.

“Come on, man, I"ve been itching for a hunt,” Dean said, not liking the way this guy was blowing them off. He’d only worked with a select few other hunters. And most of them were dying for some backup. One guy for one whole nest? He wondered if something more was going down.

“Sorry. But hey, I hear there's a Chupacabra two states over. You go ahead and knock yourselves out,” he said as he got in the car, his smile gone now and his politeness lesser than it was. “It was real good meeting you, though. I'll buy you a drink on the flip side,” he smiled now, as if trying to get back the lighter air he had lost with the two before the car was driving off. 

 

“Are you sure we should be doing this, Dean?” Castiel asked. 

“You questionin’ me, angel?” Dean smirked. “Last time you did that, I proved that I, in fact, could get it up again in the next five minutes.”

Gabriel and Sam wrinkled their noses. “Ew. Gross, guys. Could you two keep it in you pants for, like, just a little while?” Sam asked as they snuck around the mill. 

This had been Dean’s idea: following Gordon. He’d said something was up and that he didn’t know if he liked the vibes he was giving off. Not to mention the both agreed that this guy had gotten lucky so far. He was going to get himself dead if he tried for a nest with just him. It was a sure fire way. 

Following him had been so easy that if it hadn’t been for the weapons and the kills, they would have wondered just how good of a hunter this guy was. Or even if he was a hunter at all. They supposed it different for them. They’d been raised by a marine, taught to be killers. And then they’d passed it down to two people who had a knack for fighting and weapons… they made a good team. They guessed it was different for a guy by himself. 

Castiel chuckled and shook his head. “You know what I mean, Dean. This guy didn’t want anything to do with us. Why are we even helping? He’s handled all this alone already.”

“Because the guy was sketch city, Cassie,” Gabriel said, catching all their attention when he actually  _ agreed _ with Dean. “All that talk about knowing who we are and then not wanting help? Seemed a little petty.”

Dean nodded. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this… But Gabe is right.”

“Aw. You called me Gabe,” he said in a fake tone. “We can hug it out after we save him,” he pointed around a corner where Gordon was getting his ass beat by, what they assumed, was the vampire he was hunting. 

They moved quickly then. Castiel and Sam snatched Gordon just as the vampire was ready to cut him with the giant chainsaw that he had him underneath. He turned around to see what the hell had dragged his prey away from him when he was met with Gabriel’s fist before Dean was taking over all together. 

He’d grabbed a nearby harpoon, not thinking too much as he attacked. It wasn’t anything grandiose or elegant but soon Dean had the vampire in the same position he’d had Gordon: on the bench. He brought the harpoon up as high as he could and stabbed him through the middle, planting him in his spot. The next thing he really knew, he was being sprayed with blood as he cut the vampire’s head off with the saw. 

Dean panted a little as he brought the saw back up, looking down at his handiwork. It was only then did he realize just how brutal the scene was. Sure, it was a thing and not a person. That was how he had to think about it. But it was still…  _ gruesome _ . 

He turned, looking at the expressions on Sam and Cas’ face, both not knowing how to respond to Dean’s violence. Sure, he was regularly violent. He liked to kick and punch instead of talk anything out. It was just the way Dean was. Not to mention the job they had required them to be brutal. But with Dean’s face smattered with blood and the cold look in his eyes… Castiel and Sam wondered if there wasn’t something more going on there. If perhaps, just maybe, Dean wasn’t as ready to be hunting as he said he was. 

“So uh… I guess I gotta buy you that drink,” Gordon said, breaking everyone out of their trances with his seemingly proud demeanor. 

 

“Another one bites the dust,” Gordon said as he raised his glass with Dean and Gabriel, the three of them taking shots whereas Castiel and Sam had decided they’d had enough with their unfinished beers sitting on the table. 

“That’s right,” Dean said back. 

Gordon laughed. “Dean, you gave that big-ass fang one hell of a haircut, my friend. And– it’s Gabriel, right? I’ve never seen a newbie throw a punch like that one. Left him stumbling.”

Gabriel smiled. “Thank you,” he gave a nod. “But fighting… nothin’ new to me.”

“Well it was beautiful, the both of you,” Gordon nodded. 

Gabriel had to admit that the praise was nice. He’d been with Dean, Sam, and Cas for some time now. And mostly what he got was told that just because he was strong and could fight didn’t mean he could do what they did. It got tiring when he was trying. Trying to learn. And one of the reasons he was trying– i.e. his brother– was one of the people telling him that there was nothing special about him. If some guy like Gordon could see it, why couldn’t Cas?

Dean, on the other hand, was coming around to the guy. He hadn’t liked him at first, thought he was hiding something. But it was clear now that Gordon just didn’t know that he was in over his head. But it was okay. They’d saved the day. A win. Something they hadn’t really had in weeks. 

He looked over to see Cas and Sam having anything but a good time. Both seemed to be sitting there, looking at each other. He thought the two would be happy. He was getting along with a stranger and Gabriel all in one evening. Wasn’t it them that usually told him to be more personable?

“Cas, Sammy? You all right?” he asked. 

“Fine,” Castiel answered. He’d come to the conclusion that he wasn’t that big of a fan of Gordon’s. When they’d first met, he’d called him an orphan. Now he was trying to make nice because they saved him? He didn’t like the guy. He didn’t get a good vibe off him and now Gabriel and Dean were acting like he was someone to look up to. 

“Well, lighten up a little, Cas. You too, Sammy,” Gordon said. 

“They’re the only ones who get to call me that,” Sam answered. 

“And you can call me Castiel,” he said coldly.

Gordon, who seemed to sense the immediate tension, held his hands up a little. “Okay,” he said to the two. “No offense, meant. Just celebrating a little. Job well done.”

Sam nodded. “Right. Well, decapitations aren't my idea of a good time, I guess.”

Gordon looked down as if something Sam said wasn’t true. Like it was bringing down the room. “Oh, come one, man, it's not like it was human. You've gotta have a little more fun with your job.”

Dean snapped and pointed at Gordon because he seemed to have the right idea. “See? That's what I've been trying to tell him. You could learn a thing or two from this guy,” Dean said. 

Both Cas and Sam’s heads whipped up to look at the other as he said that, seemingly angry about something. But of course they were. Dean was acting like what had just happened was an everyday thing, that taking so much joy out of it was normal and expecting Sam to be more like that. 

“Yeah, I bet I could,” Sam muttered, though the mood at the table had soured. “Look, I’m not gonna bring you guys down. I’m just gonna head back to the motel,” he said as he stood. 

Dean sighed a little, rubbing at his eye and the bridge of his nose. “You sure?” he asked like he already knew the answer. 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. 

“Hey, you know what, Sam… wait up. I’m going to come with you,” Castiel said as he stood. 

At that, Dean frowned. Castiel rarely went anywhere without him. They rarely went anywhere without each other. They were always joined at the hip, even he knew that. So the fact that Castiel was voluntarily leaving his side… it made him feel like he’d done something wrong. 

“Cas,” he muttered, reaching for his wrist. 

“I’m tired, Dean,” he said softly, though he didn’t meet his eyes. “The keys to the room?” he asked. 

Dean’s jaw clenched. He felt like something was unsaid, like something was wrong. But… he decided that if Castiel was leaving… it was because he wanted to be away from Dean, it was because he wanted to be away from this. And he could give his boyfriend that. He could give him that bit of solace. 

He dug into his pocket and took the keys out, handing them to his beloved. “Here, angel.”

Castiel gave a bit of a forced smile before he let Sam lead the way out the door after he’d gotten the keys from Gabriel to their room. 

Dean couldn’t help but notice the forced smile. He couldn’t help but take in the fact that there had been no parting kiss, Cas hadn’t called him ‘baby’ like he usually did, and he’d not told him he loved him when he left. He tried not to let it hurt. But boy did it. 

Gabriel, on the other hand, felt like the two weren’t having enough fun. He’d been told for weeks now that the job was dangerous and that it was gritty, dirty, and all that fun stuff. But he hadn’t been informed of what it was like to have a win. It felt good. Why didn’t they feel that?

“Was it something I said?” Gordon asked. 

Dean shook his head. “Nah. They get like that. They’re real big book types and they tend to overthink, sometimes.”

“They forget to have fun,” Gabriel put simply.

 

Castiel leaned against the doorjamb between their rooms, watching as Sam did something on his laptop, propped against the headboard on his bed. Neither of them had talked on the way home. He let Cas drive the Impala but that was pretty much it. They’d not spoken. 

“It was weird, wasn’t it?” Castiel asked. “The way they all got on. Not that they got on–”

“But what it was about?” Sam asked as he looked up. 

Castiel bit his lip and nodded before he came in all the way and got into the bed with Sam. He smiled softly as he curled around Sam’s arm and put his head on his shoulder. He liked that they could do that. He liked it even more when Sam put his head on top of his. 

They were quiet for a few minutes as Castiel watched Sam check his e-mail and the news. He didn’t look at anything specific but he watched silently. 

“Dean…” Sam started but trailed off, talking like he wanted to comfort Cas about something. But the same thing was nagging him so it was hard to offer reassurance about something you had nothing about.

He breathed and tried again. “My brother…” he trailed off once more, his mouth open like he hoped words would just keep coming for him but they didn’t. 

“Has a dark side,” Castiel whispered like it was hard to say. Because it was. It was never something anyone wanted to say. But it was the truth. “I love him. But I’m not blinded by it, Sam. I see that even the Dean that wakes me up with breakfast and a smile… or kisses me lovingly before we go to bed… his job is still killing. And sometimes he doesn’t see that killing is still killing. There shouldn’t be so much…”

“Enjoyment,” Sam finished for him in a breath.

The pregnant silence filled the room as they both sat, uncomfortable. They weren’t uncomfortable because of the silence, no. They weren’t those kinds of people. They were uncomfortable because of the thoughts running through their heads. 

“And Gabriel–”

“Sees that Dean’s actions get praise from certain kinds of people,” Sam nodded. “Which isn’t what we’ve been giving him. Not completely.”

“Yeah,” Castiel agreed. 

The next silence was longer than the first… they seemed to be doing that: stretching. But neither knew what to say. Neither knew how to comfort the other when they were both afraid of the same things. They were afraid that with John gone, Gordon giving Dean some wort of greenlight like a father figure, that it would give Dean the go ahead to be reckless and take too much pleasure from the killing aspect of the job. Whereas Gabriel… Gabriel was trying to prove himself to everyone around him. Why wouldn’t he try to be like the person that go the most praise?

“This will be over soon, I’m sure. We helped him once but I’m sure that Gordon will try and send us packing. Maybe we should let him this time. I’m not for senseless killing. But I feel like parents and this boy is not a good influence on the impressionable minds that are our children,” he said, smiling a little when Sam laughed. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. But they’re not our children, no. Apparently they’re both our boyfriends,” he muttered. 

Castiel laughed, happy for the subject change. “I did catch that. There’s this… world wide web of connected hunters that somehow left out you two… and they all think that Gabriel is your boyfriend.”

Sam chuckled again and shook his head. “I don’t care what people think. I don’t care what they think our family gets up to. I don’t care if they think you and I are together or me and Gabriel– I don’t care if they think we switch you two every other day. People don’t know us. That’s all there is to it.”

Castiel smiled and nodded. “I like that outlook. I like thinking of it like that.”

 

Dean sipped his beer before he continued the story he was telling. “... So. I pick up this crossbow. And I hit that ugly sucker with a silver-tipped arrow right in his heart. Sammy's waiting in the car, and uh, me and my dad take the thing into the woods, burn it to a crisp. I'm sitting there and looking into the fire, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm sixteen years old. Most kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates. I'm seeing things that they'll never even know. Never even dream of.” He paused, looking down a bit as he thought about it, truly. He didn’t know it, didn’t realize it right then and there… but he knew that there wasn’t something right about the story. About his first hunt. And he knew there wasn’t something right about Gordon smiling through it like he’d just told the guy about the first girl he’d ever landed. It wasn’t a story like that. It was one of death and carnage. And maybe Dean couldn’t grasp it then… but he knew something was wrong about it. “So right then, I just sort of– ” 

“Embraced the life?” Gordon asked knowingly.  

“Yeah,” Dean muttered softly.

Gabriel cleared his throat. “Well I don’t think I have a right to an origin story yet. Torture, demons, world I don’t understand. All that fun. I’m gonna hit the head. Get another round,” he said before he got up and walked down toward the bathroom. 

Dean looked after him, thinking that Gabriel’s origin story was just as good as any. Castiel’s was the only one he really knew that wasn’t plagued with loss and hardship. He’d chosen the life, not the other way around. He’d chosen it for him, for some reason. Gabriel was tortured by demons and survived. Some might have even said that Gabriel had more of a right to the life than Castiel…

He shook himself out of his thoughts, chucking his chin at Gordon as he took another sip of his beer. “How'd you get started?”

Gordon sucked in a breath. “First time I saw a vampire I was barely eighteen. Home alone with my sister. I hear the window break in her room. I grab my dad's gun, run in, try to get it off her– too late. So I shoot the damn thing. Which of course is about as useful as snapping it with a rubber band. It rushes me, picks me up, flings me across the room, knocks me out cold. When I wake up, the vampire's gone, my sister's gone…” he trailed off. 

“And then?” Dean queried. 

Gordon finally looked up from the long off stare he’d had. “Then... try explaining that one to your family. So I left home. And then bummed around looking for information: how you track 'em, how you kill 'em. And I found that fang– it was my first kill.”  

“Sorry about your sister,” Dean said, raising his glass to him. 

Gordon gave a small nod like he was thankful for Dean’s words. “Yeah. She was beautiful. I can still see her, you know? The way she was. But hey, that was a long time ago. I mean, your dad. It's gotta be rough.”

Dean looked down and away at the mention of his father. He hadn’t really been ready to talk about him, not yet. But the mix of all the alcohol and that Gordon reminded him of someone. Or at least he thought. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you know. He was just one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, just kept coming,” he let out, not really being able to control his words. But not wanting to either. “So you're always thinking to yourself, he's indestructible. He'll always be around, nothing can kill my dad. Then just like that–” He snapped his fingers. “He's gone.” Dean paused a bit, seeming to adopt that far off stare, suddenly thinking he was glad that Gabriel had left to the bathroom. “I can't talk about this with them. Sammy and Cas, they’ll watch me every second to see if I’m going off the rails– and Gabriel… we don’t know each other like that,” he muttered as he rubbed his hand across his brow. “You know, I gotta keep my game face on.” He paused again, this time clearing his throat. He could feel the ache in his chest he’d been feeling since that day. Like something was missing. Sure, he had a family. He had Sam, Cas and even Gabe now. But nothing could replace his father. “But, uh, the truth is I'm not handling it very well. Feel like I have this–”

“Hole inside you?” Gordon queried. “And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me. There's plenty out there needs killing, and this'll help you do it. Dean, it's not a crime to need your job.”

Dean didn’t know how he felt about that. He didn’t know how he felt about Gordon’s words. For months, with Cas in his life… he’d begun to think that he didn’t need this. He’d begun to think that he didn’t need to hunt to survive. He could get out, get a house with Cas… maybe even have kids one day. But ever since he lost his father… the hole he felt inside was growing. Like he would lose everything… and everyone that would keep him from going darkside. So why did he even bother fighting it anymore\

 

Sam had decided that they should call Ellen. The hunter had decided that if anyone would know who Gordon was, Ellen would. And she would be honest with them. He figured that it was their best shot to get rid of that funny feeling the two seemed to have about Gordon. 

When the phone picked up, Ellen’s voice came over. “Harvelle’s Roadhouse,” she spoke. They could hear the sounds of the bar in the background and both felt that yearning that they’d been there tonight instead of with Gordon. 

Sam tapped the button, putting it on speaker. “”Hey, Ellen, uh, Sam Winchester,” he said. “And you’ve got Cas here too.”

“Sam, Cas! It's good to hear from you. You boys are okay, aren't you?” she asked. 

Castiel nodded from his spot next to Sam even though she couldn’t see them. “Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. We just got a question for you.”

“Yeah, shoot,” she encouraged. 

“You ever run across a guy named Gordon Walker?” he asked as he picked at the bedding. 

“Yeah, I know Gordon,” she confirmed.  

“And?” Castiel asked, looking down at the phone. 

“Well, he's a real good hunter. Why are you asking, sweethearts?” she asked back, clearly confused.

Sam and Cas made eye contact as if telling each other that they’d overreacted. If Ellen could vouch for him, someone they got the impression only had time for truths, then maybe they didn’t have to worry so much. “Well, we ran into him on a job and we're kinda working with him, I guess–” 

“Don't do that, Sam,” Ellen said immediately like she was afraid of them working together for some reason.

Castiel frowned. “I - I thought you said he was a good hunter?” he asked. 

“Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist. Look, he is dangerous to everyone and everything around him. If he's working on a job you boys just let him handle it and you move on.” 

“Ellen–” 

“No, boys? You– just listen to what I'm telling you, okay?” Ellen asked. There was an urgency in her voice that told the two she was serious and that there was no more asking about it. 

“Right, okay,” Castiel said.    
  
When they finally hung up with Ellen, Castiel and Sam shared a look. What were they going to do now? They were more confused than when they’d picked up the phone.   
  
  


Gabriel had long since gotten back from the bathroom and they’d gotten back to talking, the round he’d bought in their systems. Gabriel was happy to listen to stories about Gordon’s travels or Dean’s. In fact, he was sure that this was the longest he and Dean had ever spoken. He was learning they had much more in common than one person. They had a big brother bond. That do all, be all for that one little brother that meant the world to them. 

“Know why I love this life?” Gordon asked them, his eyes thoughtful.

“Hmm?” Gabriel inquired. 

“It's all black and white. There's no maybe. You find the bad thing, kill it. See, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. Is this right? Is that wrong? Not us,” he said like hunting was this pure thing. 

“Not sure Sammy or Cas would agree with you, but uh…” Dean said, giving somewhat of a noncommittal shrug. 

“Doesn't seem like your brother and your boyfriend’s much like us,” he started. As if seeming to sense the way Gabriel and Dean were instantly on edge over Gordon’s words about the ones they loved, he continued. “I'm not saying they’re wrong. Just different. But you and me? We were born to do this. It's in our blood. And Gabriel… I can tell you’ve got a fire in you. You’re just getting started…”   
  
  
Castiel leaned down to get the soda out of the machine. He was quiet now. He and Sam had decided drinks were needed because they needed something to quench the dryness in their throats at hearing that their brothers might be hanging out with what, Ellen let on to be, some sort of psychopath. Or sociopath, really. 

Castiel was worried about Dean most of all. Gabriel… he had his moments but he knew right from wrong. He knew that Gabriel… he would snap out of the praise seeking he was going through. Gordon would bore him. He would see that the guy was no good. But Dean. He worried that his boyfriend would think Gordon was some hero. Like he was something to behold simply because he had stories that rivaled his own.

“Maybe we should go back,” Sam whispered after a while. 

Castiel breathed. “No. If we go back, make a scene… Dean and Gabriel will pull away more. They’ll think we’re overreacting,” he shrugged.

Sam sighed as he cracked open his soda and took a drink. He had this weird feeling as they got air. That had been the real reason for coming out of the motel room. They both had needed air and to get out of the place that felt like it was closing in. 

Sam sighed. “I really hate it when you’re right,” he teased lightly. 

Castiel chuckled and bumped Sam lightly as they took their time getting back to the room. He was glad they had each other in this. He couldn’t imagine if this was one or the other; if they were alone. He couldn’t imagine what would be running through their heads. But they had each other. 

Castiel looked over just as he noticed Sam tense up. “What’s up?” he asked softly. 

Sam shook his head as he looked around. “Nothing. I just… I thought,” he began before he shook his head again. “I’m paranoid. I know if Dean’s beloved gets hurt on my watch then he’ll kill me,” he laughed as he nodded toward the door. “Come on. Let’s get back in.”

Castiel paused but he nodded, deciding that if Sam thought it was nothing then it must have been. That was… until they moved to the door to let themselves back in the room when he felt it too. He paused, looking behind him and around. 

He hated that feeling. That feeling that he always got on a hunt: the hair standing up on the back of your neck when you just  _ know _ something was wrong. He hadn’t understood it at first, when Dean and Sam had tried to explain it to him. But instead, he’d come to learn it by himself. 

“Cas,” Sam said, breaking him out of his thoughts, the door open and waiting for him to walk through. 

Castiel looked up. “Sorry,” he muttered as he walked through the door. 

As soon as Sam closed the door, he looked at the other as if they’d dodged some sort of bullet that even they didn’t really know of yet. He didn’t know how to explain it. 

Unfortunately, that feeling didn’t stay when they were suddenly attacked, someone grabbing Sam. 

“Sam!” Castiel called, moving to fight off whoever it was. But as he moved forward, he was grabbed. He gave a grunt as he elbowed his attacker and went to move again when he was hit in the head with something. 

He heard Sam call his name as he fell to the floor. His vision faded just as he saw Sam being bludgeoned just the same… before everything went to black. 

  
  
Gabriel and Dean had long since brought Gordon back to the motel they were staying at. They’d chosen to stay in Gabriel and Sam’s room because… well with the couple next door, you never knew what was just lying around. Of course Dean had been more proud about that than embarrassed. 

They’d stretched the map of the town over the table, the hunt having been on their minds as they went back to the motel. Gabriel, of course, was curious. The boys had taught him a lot, of course. But Gabriel wanted to know. He wanted to know first hand how the other had done it. 

“This is the best pattern I can establish. It's sketchy at best,” Gordon offered as he gestured to the map. 

Dean looked everywhere over the map, trying to throw himself into this. The problem? When he’d come back to the motel after closing hour… it was late. His original plan had been to see Cas. To reconcile whatever it was he’d done wrong. To make it better because after everything… the last thing he wanted was to have Cas mad at him. 

But Cas had been gone. Sam too for that matter. It had made him angry at first. Castiel was his boyfriend. Where had Sam taken him? But then, of course, he remembered that Castiel was his own person and maybe he just needed some air. 

“Looks like it's all coming from this side of town. Which means the nest would be around here someplace, right?” Dean asked.

“Yep, that's what I'm thinking. Problem is, there's thirty-five, forty farms out there. I've searched about half of them already, but nothing yet. They're covering their tracks real good,” he replied.

“Well, I guess we'll just have to search the other half,” Gabriel weighed in.

Dean looked up, having nearly forgotten about Gabriel. He frowned a little and looked down at his watch. “What time is it? Where the hell are Sam and Cas?” he wondered.

“Car's parked outside. They probably went for a walk. Seem like the take-a-walk types.” 

“Yeah, they are, but–”   
  
Just then, the door opened and Sam and Castiel stepped in partially, looking at one another before giving their brothers a look. 

Dean, on the other hand, snapped up and went for Cas. “Where you guys been? I was worried,” he said, though the last part was said specifically to Cas as he took his hand. Don’t get him wrong, he’d been worried about his brother too. But Cas…

Castiel smiled softly at that, when Dean laced their fingers. No matter what he’d just been through or how worried he was at Dean’s wellbeing for picking Gordon as a friend, he still loved Dean to no end. And the soft way he was with him… it got him every time. 

“Can we talk to you both alone?” he asked softly, looking to Gabriel as well. 

Dean made a gesture for Gabriel to get up without question before he looked to Gordon. “You mind chillin' out for a couple minutes?” he asked, though he didn’t really give the other the option to answer as he led them outside. 

As soon as they were outside, Dean pulled Castiel closer, desperate to repair something he was sure he’d broken. He didn’t know if he’d said something, did something. But he knew that fixing it was step one. 

But as soon as he pulled the other man close, he felt Castiel melt into him and he relaxed. He’d been on edge since he and Sam had left the bar and then to come back to find them both gone… it had worried him beyond belief. 

“So what’s going on? What happened?” Dean asked.

“Guys,” Sam stared. “Maybe we've got to rethink this hunt.” 

Dean frowned, looking away from Castiel for a moment. He made brief eye contact with Gabriel as if asking if he knew what his brother was on about but of course, Gabriel had been with him the whole time. His eyes trailed to Cas, seeing that his boyfriend was already in agreement. 

He wondered what had happened on the walk they took. He wondered why they suddenly didn’t want to hunt. “What are you talking about? Where were you?”

Castiel breathed. “In the nest.”

For a whole moment, Dean’s worry  _ skyrocketed _ . Two of the people he cared about most were just  _ in _ the nest of the vampires? It wasn’t until he took in the fact that they didn’t seem hurt that he calmed. “You found it?” he asked. 

“They found us, man,” Sam said with a shake of his head. 

Dean was taken aback by that information. If that was true… how? How were they standing here? They should have been dead. He was happy they weren’t but usually monsters don’t leave hunters alive when they have them in their lair. 

“How'd you get out? How many'd you kill?” Dean asked immediately, looking them over and looking for blood.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

“None,” Castiel said as he looked up at Dean.

“Well guys, they didn't just let you go,” Gabriel interjected. 

Sam looked over at Gabriel. “That's exactly what they did,” he explained. 

Dean and Gabriel made eye contact, something that both Sam and Cas seemed to catch. Both wondered when they got so comfortable, when they’d begun to get along so well and agree. Castiel wondered if it had been drinking with the other, being in the depths with Gabriel. Sam figured it might have been just because they agreed with each other on this. Because all Gabriel had been told was that they hunt evil. He hadn’t been told that there could sometimes be a gray area. Both… both hoped it would last and simultaneously had a feeling it wouldn’t. They weren’t naive enough to think that this, this kinship right here was anything less than the hunt at hand. 

Dean, however, knew what was coming before he even said it. “All right, well, where is it?”

Castiel swallowed. “We were blindfolded, don't know,” he tried to play off. But none of them were stupid enough to believe that.

Dean ran a hand over his face. Yeah. He’d figured. “Well, you've got to know something.” 

Sam sucked in a breath, debating on whether or not to tell the other two. “We… we went over that bridge outside of town, but Dean, listen. Maybe we shouldn't go after them,” he shook his head.  

Dean stepped away from Cas a little. “Why not?”

“I don't think they're like other vampires. I don't think they're killing people,” Sam explained.  

Gabriel scoffed. “You're joking. Then how do they stay alive? Or undead, or whatever the hell they are.” 

“The cattle mutilations. They said they live off of animal blood.”

“And you believed them?” Dean asked, stepping fully away from Cas to confront Sam. 

“Look at us, Dean. They let us go without a scratch,” he said.

Castiel could feel it. He could feel the tension rising between the brothers and he knew that this was going to escalate. It wouldn't be the first time it happened and it wouldn’t be the last. He just hated it when they fought. He just hoped he wasn’t meant to play middle man. Not this time, not on this one. 

He saw his brother move forward, whether it was to take Dean’s side or Sam’s, he didn’t know at this point– but he put his hand on his brother’s wrist. When Gabriel looked up at him, he shook his head, telling him to leave it alone. Their argument needed to include them. Neither of them needed to feel like two were ganging up on one. He certainly didn’t want their whole quad being split down the middle. 

Of course Castiel knew why this was happening, but Gabriel had to admit that he was at a loss. He didn’t know why the brothers were fighting and he couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. He didn’t know why, though. He supposed it could have been because Sam was the one that had taken him under his wing to begin with but it was Dean he was siding with. Or… it had nothing to do with him and he couldn’t understand that this… it was all still about John Winchester. 

“Wait, so you're saying... No, man, no way. I don't know why they let you go. I don't really care. We find 'em, we waste 'em,” Dean insisted. Because it was the right thing to do. These were vile creatures that had to live off humans. He didn’t know what crack pipe they’d passed to Sam but there was no way they were just going to let the monsters go.

“Why?” Sam asked as he stepped closer, ready to defend his point. 

“What part of 'vampires' don't you understand, Sam?” Dean asked, getting angrier. He would have thought that his brother knew better by now. This was what they were trained for. This was what their father trained them for. “If it's supernatural, we kill it, end of story. That's our job.” 

That struck a chord in Castiel, bringing him back to the conversation he and Gabriel had only last week. There was Dean, confirming exactly what he thought of his boyfriend. If it was a freak, it was dead. End of conversation. 

“No, Dean, that is not our job,” Sam tried to stop him. He didn’t understand what his brother wasn’t getting. He didn’t understand why Dean didn’t get it that these vampires weren’t hurting people. They didn’t  _ need _ to die. “Our job is hunting evil. And if these things aren't killing people, they're not evil!”

Dean rolled his eyes at his brothers naivety. “Of course they're killing people, that's what they do. They're all the same, Sam. They're not human, okay? We have to exterminate every last one of them.”

Sam ran his hands over his face, getting frustrated with his brother. “No, Dean, I don't think so, all right? Not this time,” Sam said. 

Dean gestured a thumb back at the motel. “Gordon's been on those vamps for a year, man, he knows.”

“Gordon?” he all but scoffed. 

“Yes.”

“You're taking his word for it?” Sam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Hours ago he and Gabriel were agreeing that the man was what they called ‘sketch city’. Now Dean was more inclined to listen to him than his own brother?

“That's right.”

“Ellen says he's bad news,” he came back. 

Dean’s eyebrows lifted. “You called Ellen?” he asked skeptically, sighing when the other nodded. “And I'm supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam, no thanks, I'll go with Gordon.

This time Sam did scoff because he was right. He’d been  _ right _ and it hurt a little. Dean’s words were confirming everything he’d truly been worried about when he left the bar. “Right, 'cause Gordon's such an old friend. You don't think I can see what this is?”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked. 

“He's a substitute for Dad, isn't he? A poor one,” Sam said. He’d hoped he didn’t have to do this. He’d hoped they could move on from this hunt, move on from this town and Gordon and maybe never have to see him again. He’d hoped it could be like that. But Dean was making this too personal. He was taking Gordon’s words over his own and he couldn’t have that. He wouldn’t let Dean fill in their father's shoes with someone that didn’t deserve to wear them. 

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean said as he began to walk away. 

Sam followed. “He's not even close, Dean. Not on his best day.”

Gabriel once again made a move like he was going to interject– intervene in the brother’s conversation and Cas held tighter to his own brother. “No,” he whispered. “Dean’s been bottling it in and Sam’s been walking on eggshells. It’s not our place to break it up. They need to work it out.”

Gabriel breathed at that and went back to watching them. He wanted to help. He wanted to do something. But he knew Castiel was right. They didn’t need anymore gasoline on the fire they were already starting. 

“You know what? I'm not even going to talk about this,” Dean said. There was a smile on his face like he found Sam’s psychoanalysis on him funny. But he didn’t. Not at all. This right here was the exact reason he hadn’t talked to Sam about their father. Because it hurt more than Sam understood and then he said shit like that.

But Sam being Sam… he pressed on. “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

So many things were going through Dean’s mind at the moment. He wanted to scream at Sam that he didn’t know a damn about what he was doing to work through John Winchester’s Death. He didn’t know how much it was hurting and he didn’t know a damn thing about how he was filling that hole. He was doing everything he could not to curl up in a corner and drink it all away because the only parent he had was now  _ gone _ . He was doing  _ everything _ to not let it stop him where he stood because John was everything to him. And Sam knew nothing. 

Dean clenched his jaw. “Okay,” he muttered. He went to turn around but there was too much rage, too much anger and suddenly he spun around and decked Sam  _ hard _ . 

Castiel flinched at the sound of Dean punching his brother. He’d heard that it wasn’t unusual for them to get into some knock-down, drag-out, fights… but he never wanted to witness one. And he sure as hell didn’t know how to take a side on this one. 

Gabriel broke away from Cas at that moment, not caring what the other said as he went to Sam. He didn’t have the same relationship with Sam that Cas had with him. But he cared about Sam. Because Sam cared for him when everyone else told him he didn’t belong. He moved to cup the other’s cheek. He didn’t care if they all had different views. 

“I’m alright,” he whispered to Gabriel, though he let his cool hands touch his face, the feeling soothing. 

It was bait, and everyone could feel it. Dean was so… so lost, so hurt… that all he wanted was to bait Sam. He wanted the other to swing back. To give him what he deserved. Because Sam was right. He’d seen Gordon like a safe haven. An older man who talked, drank, and went it alone  _ just _ like his father. And he had thought for a moment… and Sam was right. It was an insult.

It was clear in the way Dean stood. Like he was waiting for Sam to swing back and they could go at it. And they could beat out every frustration and laugh about it the next day. Or not.

Sam turned away from Gabriel for a moment to look at his brother. “You hit me all you want. It won't change anything.” 

Dean was still seething inside. But his eyes trailed to Cas, who was looking at him with… how could that be love in his eyes? How could it ever be love? He’d cryptically beheaded a vampire, drank himself silly, and hit his brother all in one night? Shouldn’t Cas be looking at him with disgust? Repulsion? Anger? Anything that wasn’t the love that was always there… the love he didn’t deserve. 

He’d been so happy that morning. But of course that moment… he hadn’t been on a hunt, being forced to be reminded of his father at every turn. He had been able to fake it. Now… not so much.

“I'm going to that nest,” he said finally. Because at this point… he needed something to kill. “You don't want to tell me where it is, fine. I'll find it myself. “

“Dean?” Castiel called as he moved to walk away again, but his hunter ignored him. 

They all followed him, entering the room to see that it was once again vacant. Gordon was simply gone. “Gordon?” Dean called out, but it wasn’t that big of a room. 

“You think he went after them?” Castiel muttered.

“Probably.”

“Dean, we have to stop him,” Sam said, almost pleading with his brother. 

But Dean’s attitude was right back. “Really, Sam? Because I say we lend a hand.”

“Just give me the benefit of the doubt, would you? You owe me that,” he huffed, thinking he didn’t need to remind Dean that he just punched him in the face. 

“Yeah, we'll see. I'll drive. Give me the keys,” Dean demanded as he put his hand out. 

Sam pointed past him where he and Cas had dropped them when he came in. It was a little cactus tchotchke where you could put your keys. But of course they were gone.  

“He snaked the keys,” Castiel said, throwing his hands up. “Awesome.”    
  
“I can't believe this. I just fixed her up, too,” Dean muttered in the car as he stripped two wires and sparked them together to hotwire his car. He knew what Gordon was after when he snaked them, he didn’t want to be gone after. But when a man messes with his ride, he was going to pay. 

The car started up in a moment and he sighed, looking next to him at Sam. “So the bridge, is that, uh, is that all you got?” he asked. 

Castiel leaned up over the seat and gestured. “The bridge was four and a half minutes from their farm.” 

Dean looked back at his boyfriend. “How do you know?”

“I counted,” he said, refraining from grinning when Dean seemed impressed. He gestured toward the map, beginning to trace a path. “They took a left out of the farm, then turned right onto a dirt road, followed that for two minutes slightly up a hill, then took another quick right and we hit the bridge.”

“Wow,” Dean said. He knew they’d taught Cas well… but he didn’t know it was that well. 

Castiel grinned that time and he looked over at Dean. “You knew there was a reason you kept me around, right?” he teased softly.   
  
  
  
When the four of them walked into the house, seeing a girl tied to a chair, both Dean and Gabriel looked a little betrayed. They’d thought Gordon had more class than that. Or was at least smarter. It was seeing her there just tied up and helpless, blood dripping from her. She was… she was a girl, with a face and a name… and Gordon was torturing her. Finally they were seeing what Sam and Cas had begun to. 

Castiel and Sam knew the vampire as Lenore and with the way she’d talked to them earlier, both were pissed that Gordon had the gall to tie her up that way. Had the gall to torture her when she was doing nothing wrong. 

Upon hearing them, Gordon turned around to greet them. “Guys. Come on in,” he sai as he stood from where he’d been sitting on the table. 

“Hey, Gordon. What's going on?” Dean asked as they stepped in.

Dean was taken aback as Gordon seemed to smile. Like he was getting pure joy over hurting a girl. “Just poisoning Lenore here with some dead man's blood. She's going to tell us where all her little friends are, aren't you? Wanna help?”

Sam and Castiel had a look of pure disgust on their faces while Gabriel was following. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen for the crap Gordon had been selling. He praised him… but he praised him, commended him… for being like him. He was realizing that being like him… it was hurting people.

Dean watched him, having the thought in his head that his father would have never done what Gordon was doing. The one and only time they’d ever run into vamps together and they’d found a way without torture. John was going to let them live. “Look, man–”

“Grab a knife. I was just about to start in on the fingers,” he said just as he dragged the knife soaked in dead man’s blood across her arm, effectively cutting her open and making more go into her system. 

Dean watched the veins become visible for a moment as the dead man’s blood went into her and she made a noise like it was torture for her. Because it was. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, let's all just chill out, huh?”

He looked up. “I'm completely chill,” he said with a smile that… was far too chill for them.

“Gordon, put the knife down,” Castiel insisted.    
  
Castiel took a step toward gordon but Gabriel held him back, knowing that if Cas went after Gordon… some serious blood was going to be drawn and it wasn’t going to be in Gordon's favor. 

“Sounds like it's Cas here needs to chill,” Gordon gestured. 

“Just step away from her, all right?” Castiel growled.

Gordon looked at Cas for a moment before he looked at Lenore. He looked back. “You're right,” he said as he threw his knife down on the table. “I'm wasting my time here. This bitch will never talk. Might as well put her out of her misery.” He pulled out a much larger knife, large enough to do a vampire in just like he was planning. He looked up. “I just sharpened it, so it's completely humane.”

“Gordon, I'm letting her go,” Sam said as he moved forward, only to be stopped by Gordon putting a knife to his chest. 

“You're not doing a damn thing,” he insisted. 

Cas and Gabriel itched to move forward like hounds being kept on a leash. Sam was someone they cared for and a knife to his chest was making them all want to stab this mother. 

“Hey, hey, hey, Gordon, let's talk about this,” Dean tried to reason.

“What's there to talk about? It's like I said, Dean. No shades of gray.”

Dean watched him, not wanting to make a move that Gordon didn’t like. “Yeah. I hear ya. And I know how you feel.”

“Do you?”

“That vampire that killed your sister deserved to die, but this one–”

Gordon cut Dean off with a laugh. “Killed my sister? That filthy fang didn't kill my sister. It turned her. It made her one of them. So I hunted her down, and I killed her myself,” he said darkly.   
  
“You did what?” Dean asked back, shocked. 

“It wasn't my sister anymore, it wasn't human. I didn't blink. And neither would you.”

Sam clenched his jaw, definitely disgusted with this man. “So you knew all along, then? You knew about the vampires, you knew they weren't killing anyone. You knew about the cattle. And you just didn't care.”

“Care about what? A nest of vampires suddenly acting nice? Taking a little time out from sucking innocent people? And we're supposed to buy that? Trust me. Doesn't change what they are. And I can prove it,” he said, suddenly grabbing Sam’s arm and cutting him. He put the knife to Sam’s neck and dragged him over so that they were standing over Lenore. 

Dean pulled out his gun immediately. “Let him go. Now!”

“Relax. If I wanted to kill him he'd already be on the floor. Just making a little point,” he said as he gripped Sam’s arm, allowing the blood to come out and drip onto her cheek.

As soon as it did, her fangs extended and she began to hiss and rock like getting at the blood was all she wanted. 

“Hey!” Dean said, trying to get through to her. 

“You think she's so different? Still want to save her? Look at her. They're all the same. Evil, bloodthirsty.”

Just then, Lenore breathed hard, getting herself under control before her fangs disappeared. “No. No,” she said like she was pleading for it to stop as well as telling everyone in the room that she wouldn’t be like that. 

“You hear her, Gordon?” Sam growled. 

“No! No!” she repeated. 

Sam pushed the other away, keeping the knife at a safe distance in case Gordon tried anything. He knew that that was the only way that Gordon would ever see the truth, but he could still see it in his eyes. The only one in the room that was blood thirsty was him.“We're done here,” he insisted. 

“Boys, get her out of here,” Dean said, keeping the gun trained on Gordon. 

“Yeah,” Sam muttered as he picked Lenore up, Gabriel and Cas walking him out. 

As they stepped outside and into the dark, Sam put Lenore into the car they’d no doubt been planning to take out of town. Castiel put his hand on Gabriel’s wrist. “Go with Sam,” he said and nodded. “Keep him safe. Any of the try anything and you give ‘em hell, Gabe.”

Gabriel frowned. “And you?” he asked. 

Castiel breathed. “Dean needs me right now. More than I think he knows…” he nodded. “Go. We’ll be okay,” he said. 

Gabriel nodded back and got in the car with Sam. 

Castiel watched as it took off before he stepped back towards the house. He could hear voices at that point and he stopped and listened. Dean may have needed him… but Castiel was sure he needed this too. He needed to confront Gordon. He needed to confront himself. 

“...If you want those vampires, you gotta go through me,” Dean insisted. 

Dean watched as Gordon flipped the knife and stabbed it into the table as if laying down his weapon and preparing for a fair fight. “Fine.”

Dean looked at the knife on the table and then looked at his own gun, the thoughts running through his mind. He’d thought that maybe there would have been just a little more hesitation out of Gordon. But he had to remind himself that they didn’t really know each other. They knew nothing about one another and frankly… it meant that it was that much easier for him to kick this guys ass for so many reasons. 

He’d start with the simple fact that he’d tied up a girl and acted like a lunatic just because she was different. But she was good and that was all that should have mattered. But then there was the fact that Gordon had gotten into his head and had begun to drive a wedge between his family in just a matter of hours. Of course it had been Dean that had let him in… but he was going to take it out on him. 

Dean emptied the clip out of his gun but as soon as he went to put it in his pocket, looking away from Gordon, he felt a blow. He reacted quickly, stopping another from coming and he decked Gordon so hard he stumbled back. Of course, though… it gave him the perfect opportunity to grab his knife again. 

Dean held his arms up in a ‘c’mon man’ gesture, avoiding both swipes that Gordon took at him. He grabbed him by that arm so that he couldn’t anymore and swung him into the wall. He hit the arm against the wall over and over until the knife fell out of his hand. They grabbed each other, trying to keep the other at bay. 

“What are you doing, man?” Gordon asked as they struggled. “You doing this for a fang? Come on, Dean, we're on the same side here.”

“I don't think so, you sadistic bastard,” Dean ground out just as he was hit twice. 

It was enough to catch him off guard that he went flying, his back ending up hitting a coffee table and shattering it as he went down. He groaned in pain as Gordon started to come closer. 

“You're not like your brother or your little boyfriend. You're a killer. Like me.”

Dean kicked Gordon’s feet out from underneath him, punching him a few times so that he could get the other off guard. As soon as he had his own wits about him, he hauled the other up and through him against some kind of hutch, shattering the glass. 

He watched as Gordon tried to fight back but with a couple more elbows to the face, the other man was barely coherent. Dean considered it a win and put him under his arm, walking him forward. 

He smirked to himself as he saw an opportunity, slamming Gordon’s head into the wall on the way by. “Oh, sorry,” he muttered, clearly anything but. He sat him down in a chair, beginning to tie him up. 

He couldn’t help but think that beating Gordon was a thin victory. He had beaten him at physical strength, sure. But everything he’d opened up about, everything that he’d talked about with him… it was still teeming below the surface and he wondered if it’d ever stop. 

“You know, I might be like you, and I might not. But you're the one tied up right now,” he said in a gruff tone before he walked back into the living room. 

Castiel stepped in then, watching as Dean wiped the blood from his face. “You’re nothing like him, baby,” he said softly. 

Dean’s head whipped up when he saw his boyfriend. He’d thought Cas had gone with the others. He thought he’d been left alone with Gordon. To deal with this alone. But as he saw the look in Castiel’s eyes… he knew that it was the reason Cas had stayed. So that Dean didn’t  _ have _ to be alone. 

“Angel,” he whispered. 

Castiel reached out for Dean’s hand. “Can we talk for a minute?” he asked as he gestured. 

Dean hesitated, looking up at Gordon. “Try anything… and I’ll put a bullet in you so fast you’ll have time to think about it before you die,” he muttered before he looked back up at Cas and nodded. 

Castiel led him outside to the front porch, sitting him down. They were silent for a few minutes, letting what had just happened sink in. Dean knew Cas had heard everything from him and Gordon’s fight. He knew he had. And yet here the man was… sitting next to him in the dark like he wasn’t able to snap and kill something without hesitation.

“You didn’t have to stay with me, Cas,” he said, right off the bat.

Castiel smiled out into the night and looked over. “I know,” he said softly. “I wanted to. Because you’re my Dean. You’re my boyfriend. And I love you,” he whispered as he reached over and laced their fingers. 

Dean’s breath hitched and he looked down at their hands before he closed his eyes for a moment. “How do you do that?” he asked. 

“Do what, baby?”

Dean looked up to meet beautiful blue eyes. Cas… Cas was the reason he fought. He was the reason that he did mostly anything. Because all he wanted, after his father’s death, was to not let those blue eyes turn sad. Because he’d almost lost Cas. And he always wanted to make him happy. No matter how bad of a screw up he was. 

He reached and cupped his cheek. “How do you always find the good? How do you look through all my crap and find the best even when I think I’m the worst?”

Castiel smiled. “That’s actually pretty simple,” he nodded as he held Dean’s hand to his cheek. “Dean, earlier, when I was worrying about you… Sam tried to explain something to me… something that I already knew. And that’s that you have a dark side.”

Dean swallowed hard at that, feeling the urge to pull away completely. So he wasn’t as great as hiding it as he thought he was. But Cas’ words broke him out of his thoughts before he had a chance to finish them. 

“But I knew that, baby.”

“You did?” he asked as his head snapped up. 

“Of course I did, Dean. We all do. Everyone has a dark side. Just not everyone has the opportunity to filter it into killing monsters. But that’s not the point,” he shook his head. “Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I see the smile on your face and I think everything is fine? Dean, I know you… physically, emotionally,  _ intimately _ – I know  _ you _ … and I know that your world is spinning so fast that…” he paused. “It’s like when you’re a kid… and you spin around in circles over and over and you feel dizzy… you’re so dizzy. But now you’ve realized that as soon as you stop, as soon as you stop spinning and you let everything sink in… you’re going to fall and you don’t know how much it’s going to hurt… so you keep spinning,” he whispered. 

Dean chuckled. “How did I end up with such a nerd that can make analogies about my actual life like that?” he made light. 

“Lucky, I guess,” he smiled. “My point is that you can fall, baby. You can let go. And whether I catch you… or we fall together… I’m here with my arms open and we will get you back to solid ground. You just have to come to me. You have to let me in. Beyond sex, beyond letting me talk and you listen– you have to actually want to talk to me. It has to be together.”

Dean clenched his jaw as he listened to Cas. He opened his mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. Because he didn’t know what to say. He knew Castiel was right. He knew that the man he loved was almost always right. About everything. It was just something he seemed to know how to do. 

“It all hurts, Cas…” he said as he looked away from him. “But you knew that already. I just… I can’t seem to make it stop. I can’t move on because it was my dad… and then I just… I keep screwing up. What I said to Sam on the last hunt, I let Gabriel think that being like me was what he needed, I argued with you two just because some guy pretending to be something more than a stranger to me wormed his way into my psyche–”

“And it’s okay, baby. You made up for it. You let Lenore and the rest of her nest go. You did a good thing. You made a good choice,” he nodded. “I think that sometimes you forget that I  _ chose _ you, Dean. I signed up for it all. The blood, gore, fighting, the late nights, the long hours– even the hard decisions. And it’s why I’m here with you. It’s not just to be your boyfriend. It’s so we can make each other better,” he whispered as he leaned up and kissed the other. 

Dean brought Castiel in for a bone crushing hug. He didn’t cry, but he let the weight lift off his shoulders at that moment, deciding that Cas was right. He needed to be more open. He needed to get it out if he was going to heal. He couldn’t bottle it all up and expect it to go away. 

“You’re right. No more secrets,” he said. “No more keeping things from each other.”

That struck Cas, though. Because after everything… he was still keeping something from Dean. He’d planned on telling him, he wanted to. He planned on telling him that day… but he’d seen that Dean wasn’t ready to hear his words… he wasn’t ready to know. Not with the way he’d reacted initially to all of this. He thought of Dean’s words back at the motel… if it was supernatural, they killed it. End of story. 

He put on his best fake smile and he kissed Dean. “No more secrets,” he agreed.    
  
  
It wasn’t until the sun was coming up that the others had come back, Sam’s arm bandaged from where Gordon had cut him. The boys took in the way Gordon was tied to a chair and looking anything but happy. “Did we miss anything?”

“Nah, not much. Lenore get out okay?” Castiel asked. 

“Yeah. All of 'em did,” he said pointedly, looking to Gordon. 

“Then I guess our work here is done. How you doin', Gordy? Gotta tinkle yet?” Dean taunted, only getting a look from the other man. “All right. Well, get comfy. We'll call someone in two or three days, have them come out, untie you,” he promised just as he stabbed Gordon’s knife into the table just like he’d done before. 

“Ready to go?” Sam asked. 

“Not yet,” Castiel said as he stepped closer to Gordon. He leaned down, smiling at him. “Today you threatened both my brothers and my boyfriend,” he said. “Now that look on your face says you couldn’t give two shits. But I wanted to give you something to remember us by.” Suddenly Castiel threw a hard upper cut into the man’s face so hard that the chair flew backwards and Gordon landed on his back. He smiled. “Okay. Now we can go,” he nodded. 

Dean gave a surprised laugh and slipped his hand into Castiel’s. “You read my mind, angel,” he said.

As the boys stepped outside, Dean, having been thinking about what he’d done to his brother all night, backed up a little, readying. “Sam? Clock me one.”

Sam frowned, looking at his brother like he was crazy before he looked to Cas, who just shrugged. “What?”

“Come on. I won't even hit you back. Let's go,” he insisted, only demanding it more when Sam said no. “Let's go, you get a freebie. Hit me, come on.”

Sam rolled his eyes and waved a hand as he turned to the car. “You look like you just went twelve rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I'll take a raincheck.” 

As they walked, Dean sighed, thinking. “I wish we never took this job. It's jacked everything up.”

Castiel put his arm around his waist. “What do you mean, baby?” he asked softly. 

Dean looked over. Well in short… it meant that now everyone there knew how screwed up he was and how okay he wasn’t. He’d wanted to fill the place of his Dad with a cheap knock-off. And it just seemed like everything… everything was worse now. But that wasn’t what he chose to go with. 

“Think about all the hunts we went on,” he said before he looked to Sam. “Sammy, our whole lives…”

“Okay.”

Dean swallowed as he leaned his arms on the top of the Impala. “What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us…” he trailed off.  

Sam sighed. “Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.”

“I know he did,” he muttered with a far off look. “But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even enjoyed it.” 

They were quiet for a moment because… well, Dean wasn’t telling them something they didn’t already know. Something they weren’t already concerned about. “You didn't kill Lenore,” Sam said.  

“No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill 'em all.”

“Yeah, Dean, but you didn't. And that's what matters,” Sam nodded.  

Dean paused at that, thinking. Maybe Sam was right. Of course it felt like he was dead wrong. But maybe he had good in him like Sam saw, like Cas saw. Maybe…

“Yeah. Well, 'cause you're a pain in my ass. All of you,” he pointed out. 

Castiel smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

Sam smiled as well. “Guess we might have to stick around to be pains in the ass, then,” he teased as he moved to get in the car.

“Thanks,” Dean said rather suddenly. 

“Don't mention it.”

As Sam got in the car, Gabriel followed and got in as well, leaving the couple outside for the moment. 

Dean looked over at Castiel, looking into his eyes. He was trying to say all the things left unsaid, whatever was left unsaid. Sure he wanted to tell the man he loved him, that he would do better, that he would be better. But he couldn’t make that promise. Because he didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. He didn’t know what would happen next week. He didn’t know what the future held. So he told him, silently, how much he loved him. Said it to him in ways he couldn’t, his eyes doing it all… and wishing he could do it with his words. 

But Castiel seemed to catch on and he smiled softly. He stepped forward, pressing his lips to Dean’s in a kiss that was chaste but so loving. It was filled with every unspoken word that Dean was going for, only said back. He was telling Dean that he knew exactly what he was trying to say… and that he understood. 

Of course… Castiel still had a secret. A secret that labeled him a freak. What would Dean do when he found out? What would happen to them? Was it something they could survive? Would they still have unspoken moments where they poured their hearts out through looks? Or would it melt away?

When they pulled away, they looked at each other a moment longer before Castiel got in the car.

Dean took one last look at the house. He couldn’t help but feel like something more had happened here. More than saving some vamps, more than leaving a man and making a new enemy. He felt like something had started. Whether it was internal or the opposite, something was set in motion. 

He climbed into the Impala, seeing the three people considered his family nowadays looking at him as if waiting for him to say something. But he didn’t. He simply started the car and drove. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Poll time. Would y'all rather see some fluff/smut for the next installment or would you rather me go right into 'Simon Said'? I can honestly say, it's been a while since some true fluff (and I also promise that I won't do EVERY episode, these first few in the series are important to my plot, though) but on the other hand... when I do Simon Said... we are going to find out more about Cas' secret >:) So which would you rather?


End file.
